Brett Tilford

Leaders are a rare breed – but leaders who don’t want to lead are rarer still. I think we need more leaders who don’t want to lead.

By “don’t want to lead” I mean that they’re reluctant and choose the times and places they step up wisely. Why? Because they know leadership comes with a price tag – it’s not all stages and great speeches. It’s serving. It’s blood and sweat and tears. It’s giving a damn day after day. It’s smiling when everyone’s crying and offering hope when there’s none left. It’s speaking life into people when they don’t want to hear it. It’s trying and failing and trying again. It’s listening. It’s exhausting. It’s existing for the good of other people – to help them win. It’s a life poured out. Period.

If someone is begging to lead – don’t let them. I don’t care how smart, well spoken, or ambitious they are. I don’t care what previous positions or titles they’ve had – they’ve never lead. They’re begging because they’re in it for themselves (ego, insecurity, etc.) or they’re stupid. Either way they’ll fail.

Great – but reluctant – people are who you should look for. Leaders you have to beg and cajole. People who fully realize the price they’ll pay – but do it anyway.

I want a church that isn’t…

So heavenly minded it’s no earthly good.

So earthly minded it’s no earthly good.

Afraid of doubt instead of seeing it as part of the human experience and as central to faith.

Obsessed with sin (thus stoking it’s desire) instead of helping us confront and move beyond it.

Interested in the spectacle of a miracle instead of becoming that miracle for others.

Focused on serving those who can return the favor.

So busy cutting at others that we forget to cut at ourselves (acknowledging our own violence and shortcomings).

Trying to sell us the snakeoil of a better life instead of teaching us to lay down our life.

Vying for power and labeling it “God’s blessing” rather than refusing it.

Busy hating enemies and loving friends instead of loving enemies and hating (confronting) friends.

We don’t want people to be happy (by the term happy I’m thinking of their overall well being and quality of life).  Advertisers don’t want consumers to be happy. Employers don’t want employees to be happy. Churches don’t want members to be happy. Governments don’t want citizens to be happy. Parent’s don’t want kids to be happy.  Why, you ask?  It’s because we’re willing to exploit the desire human beings have to be happy for the opportunity to increase our own happiness.

Advertisers don’t make as much money from happy people. They make money from people who are unsatisfied and hope that the next purchase will do the trick.

Employers want unsatisfied “go getter” types who will trade their lives for the promise of a promotion. Happy people have lives outside of work.

Churches don’t want people to be happy because our major customer is the guilt ridden and depressed. Church services and events become dispensaries for getting “high on the spirit”.  If people are happy then we fear they won’t need God.

Governments don’t want people to be happy because the only way they measure success is by the GDP. This depends on a vibrant “American Dream” chasing workforce who also happen to be the consumers that fuel the demand for more shizz to be made. Get too many people saying, “I’m satisfied” and we might slip behind China! God forbid.

Parents don’t want happy kids because they’re harder to show off. Unhappy kids get honor roll bumper stickers for their parents SUV’s, are captain of every sports team, and get accepted to the top private schools… all before the 6th grade. Happy kids do what they’re good at and pretty much quit the other stuff.

Of course, I’m tempted to externalize this evil. To say the problem is those damn advertisers, employers, churches, governments, and parents. Not me. The problem is never me. Unfortunately, the truth is I am these things. I’m a marketer, business owner, church leader, voter, and parent and I’m willing to extort and manipulate the fact that people want to be happy.  I want them to be unsatisfied. That’s a motivating factor for them to buy from me, give my company a competitive advantage, financially support my church, add to my country’s GDP, or motivate my daughter to become the envy of the neighborhood at everything she does. I want them like a hamster on the wheel chasing that elusive dream… but never actually catching it.

Too bad. I think the world would be a better place if quality of life of those around me were my first priority.

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P.S. I recognize that not all advertisers, employers, churches, governments, and parents are like this all the time. My point is that we operate like this more than we’d like to admit.  Below is a breakdown of my estimations for how often each of the previously mentioned groups of people operate in ways that propagate unhappiness in human beings.

• Advertisers: 80%
• Employers: 75%
• Churches: 30%
• Governments: 50%
• Parents: 20%
• Brett: 1% (yes I’m lying)

There are two main camps when it comes to the “call of God” question.

First Camp

I don’t believe that God has a call on my life. I don’t believe he has any special or unique plans for me. I don’t think he pre-ordained who I would marry, where I would work, or the church I would go to. God loves me. He just isn’t much of a micro manager. My job is to do my best to live a life of love in the way of Jesus.

2nd Camp

God has a special and unique call on my life. He knows who I’m going to marry, where I’ll work, and the church I’ll attend at each stage of my life. God loves me and revels in watching me walk into his perfect will. My job is to discern that will and love God by faithfully walking the path he’s called me to.

2 Major Pitfalls of The Second Camp

I don’t know who is right, but I’ve experienced two major pitfalls in living as though God has pre-ordained every step of my life. First, there was the pitfall of worrying that I’m not in his will – all the time. It becomes this endless crazy stress that I’m at the wrong school, the wrong neighborhood, the wrong church, the wrong job. God has a wonderful plan for my life but he’s not exactly parting the clouds to impart his will to me. In frustration i would start to read into all sorts of obscure coincendences until one day I would finally declare, “I’ve done it! I’ve found his will!” However, that lead to an even more dangerous pitfall.

The pitfall of believing that I’m actually in the center of God’s will. With this question settled in my mind I relaxed into a kind of sick pseudo spiritual “peace.” All is well. I’ve taken up my cross so now all I have to do is put one foot in front of the other. No one can question my motives or the direction of my life because God has spoken. There was no radical self examination. No questioning of each action and wondering if it lined up with the teachings of Jesus because I was in the middle of God’s will! Sure, I messed up and sinned sometimes but there was nothing major in my life. Right? The worst was when I would actually use God’s “call” to justify the violence in my life. By violence I mean the hurt and pain that my life, both knowingly and unknowingly, caused people. The problem was that to fundamentally question major things in my life would send me straight back to the land of constant worry about whether or not I was in God’s will. That wasn’t an option so I opted to lead an “unexamined” Christian life instead. Where I shopped, what I drove, what I bought, where I lived, what I ate, how much money I had, how much money I gave, where I spent my time, who my friends were, where I worked and why exactly I worked there, and what drove me (desire for money, power, success, peoples approval?) all went unexamined because I was above all that… I was in the center of “God’s will”.

Conclusion

The thing about my life now is that I’m more at peace with the idea that God loves me than I ever have been, yet I’ve never looked so long and hard at every aspect of my life and questioned how it does or doesn’t line up with bringing God’s love to the world. I am now 100% responsible for my actions and I can either live a life that brings the pain and suffering of hell to earth or the love of heaven. The choice is mine. However, on the upside I’m no longer stressed about finding God’s call for my life because from a big picture perspective I feel like I know what it is. It’s the same thing God has called all of us to: love. Of course, I freely admit that I don’t do this very well so if someone asked me, “Do you feel like you’re at the center of God’s will?” I would answer, “Of course not!” Right now all I can do is my best and be thankful that God loves me in the midst of my failings.

Peter Rollins at Baylor University from Peter Rollins on Vimeo.

Money Quote: “Belief in the resurrection is participation in the insurrection.” (or something like that- it’s from memory.)

Another thing I found particularly interesting about this talk was the idea of re-thinking Christianity as a “material” faith and not just doctrines and beliefs.

If you haven’t read anything by Peter Rollins I’d suggest the book How (Not) To Speak of God.

Self control is the ability to mentally detach yourself from the present moment enough that you don’t do dumb crap you regret.

Sometimes I literally envision stepping outside my body, taking a good look at myself, and examining my raging emotions. I turn them over and over like a guys in his 20’s twists and turns a potential engagement ring.  “Hmmm, how odd” I think to myself, “I’m literally reacting physically to this. Heart rate is rising. Hands feel cold and clammy. Fight or flight instinct is taking over.”

Next, I attempt to talk myself off the ledge. “Okay Brett, how about you just take a deep breath right now? I wonder if you’ll remember this moment 5 years from now? Unlikely. Is it possible that you’re over-blowing this right now? Likely.  Alrighty pal, just take a deep breath, chill, and think of something happy.  Puppies are a good choice, think of puppies.”

Now at this point I don’t feel great but my world is no longer in a death spiral. I might even attempt a weak smile, laugh, and say something obvious like, “Well, this sucks.”

Usually, within 1-2 hours I think back on the moment and thank the gods I didn’t go where my emotions were trying to drag me.

It’s a bit long but here’s what I shared at our church last night…

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The Kingdom of This World

I believe Jesus came to start a new world within the ruins of the old one.  I think he called this new world order the kingdom of God.  And anyone that commits to live in the way of Jesus is a citizen of this kingdom.  This kingdom is fundamentally different than the kingdoms of this world.  Those kingdoms are driven by the gods of money, sex, and power.  Get as much as you can as fast as you can.  It’s a life of materialism.  A life that cares only for selfish pleasure.  A life that’s dependent on no one but yourself.  It’s a kingdom that uses violence to get what it wants.  It’s the worst of humanity.  A world not as God intended it but twisted and broken.

The Kingdom of God

However, Jesus preached that his was a kingdom of love.  Love for God, your neighbors… and even your enemies.  It’s a love that calls us to live humbly: not striving to be the greatest but the servant of all.  It’s a love that calls us not to wine and dine with the elite of society but with the homeless and friendless.  It’s a love that sacrifices and looks out for the good of others.  It’s a love that forgives not once or twice but hundreds and hundreds of times.  It’s a love that embodies mercy and preaches justice.  It’s a love that says it’s not enough that you have enough but when WE have enough.  It’s a weak love.  One that is easily crushed by the powers at be because it refuses to fight back refuses to defend itself. It will not return evil with evil but will overcome it with good.

The Family

And at the heart of this Kingdom is a family. Jesus said it would be our love for one another that would define us.  He said, that the only way people could tell we really were living the kingdom would be our love for one another.  Early in his ministry Jesus was approached by his literal mother and brothers and he pretended to not know them.  Why would he do this.  He said, it’s because these people who were living the kingdom way, the way of love, were his real family.  This is the reality of the kingdom of God. We are invited not only into the kingdom of God but into the family of God.

The Meal

And at the heart of this family is a meal.  But it’s not just any meal my friends.  It’s a meal that foreshadows a meal to end all meals  Down through history you have the prophets saying lots of crazy things about the end of the world.  Instead of the expected doom and gloom you normally get from prophets they seem to be full of hope.  Their message was basically this.  God is going to heal and restore his creation.  They agree that things are really screwed up now but they said it won’t last forever.  Some day, a day they often referred to as the “Day of the Lord” someday God would dwell with men again.  And in that day our relationship with him, other people, and all of creation (the rivers, rocks, animals and oceans) would be set right.  They promised that in that day the things we used to use to kill each other would be burned down and reshaped to farm the land.  They said that lions and lambs would sleep next to each other in perfect peace.  They said that nations would stop killing each other and start helping each other.  They said that God would rule and reign form Jerusalem and that people from all over the world would worship him.  However, they also said something else which was pretty remarkable. In Revelation 19 they said that God was going to throw a party- a feast.  A feast where rich and poor, young and old, and black and white will all sit down together at the table of brotherhood (as Martin Luther correctly said) and share a meal together.  It will be the realization of what Jesus promised and meant by the kingdom of God- literally the rule and reign of God realized on earth.

The Story

What theologians have noticed down through history is that Jesus seems to be alluding to this through his meal with the disciples.  READ MATTHEW 26:26-29 Notice verse 29 that is so important.  He’s saying, do this in remembrance not just of my death on the cross, although that’s very important but he’s saying this is a foretaste, a foretaste of the day of the Lord.

When we share this meal we’re saying not only that we remember Jesus sacrifice on the cross, although that’s super important, we’re saying that we remember his teaching about the kingdom of God.  We remember that one day we’ll sip wine with him in a world ruled by the goodness of God and in the mean time we’ll do our best to make that day a reality.

So you see the eucharist isn’t just a personal reflection on our spiritual life with God.  It’s a meal that signifies the rule and reign of God on earth.  It’s a meal that says, at the end of al things…love wins.  So we live in that reality now.  When we take this bread and cup with a community of Jesus followers we’re literally taking the future reality and pulling it into the present.

To me that’s a beautiful thing.

I’m discussing the place of the Eucharist (Communion, Blessed Sacrament, Lord’s Supper, or whatever your tradition calls it) at our small struggling Church in a few weeks.  I’m looking forward to the challenge of getting everyone as enthused about the tradition as I am… although undoubtedly I will fail.  Long term I think I can wear everyone down with my incessant pestering, “Isn’t this just so cool? What an amazing tradition that has lasted all these years. Eh? Eh?” on and on I’ll go until people start to see the light.

A few years back I sat on the Porch of Potbelly’s sandwich shop on the eve of Easter and expressed to my wife that I didn’t really care anymore.  It wasn’t that I hated the idea of Jesus’ resurrection. It was just that it was all so familiar and hum drum.  I just couldn’t fake the enthusiasm anymore.  This was also a low point in my Eucharist taking.  Now I see that my perspective on the Resurrection of Jesus was directly tied to my view of the Eucharist.  As one rose so did the other.

I was never a big fan of coffee.  Then I read a book by Howard Schultz (founder & CEO of Starbucks Coffee) and within a few short months I became a certified coffee snob.  I was never really a big fan of the Eucharist.  That is until I read the likes of N.T. Wright and became a certified Communion snob.  I had never heard anyone talk so passionately about the implications of the Resurrection.  He says, that the Eucharist is remembering that God has promised to resurrect all of creation.  That it’s full of hope. Not just that you can go to heaven one day but that at the end of all things- love will win.  When you take that bread and cup in your hands you’re saying, “I remember that God gave himself up so that the world could be set right. I remember the sacrifice of Jesus. I remember with all of the Christians through the ages that there is hope.”   To me that’s really beautiful.

They say that to be passionate about something you have to interact with someone who is passionate about it themselves. I hope to be that person for others when it comes to the Eucharist.

I think the world needs more crazy people in positions of power. Not crazy as in “physcopathic” but crazy like “unconventional”. That’s who changes the world. That’s who takes the road less traveled and potentially takes our organizations to the next level.

I also think our churches need more crazy pastors. Kooky types who mutter about the kingdom of God, yell at parishoners, and occasionally get thrown in prison. Unfortuantely, we prefer good looking well spoken pastors who would make great politicians.

Too bad.

I wish I was better at thinking about “us” and not just myself. The phrase “common good” conjures up so many negative thoughts and emotions for me. Most of them having to do with communism and socialism. I instantly begin thinking about the book Animal Farm and how that phrase was twisted and used for the exact opposite of what it was intended to mean.

The challenge of course is that it’s a biblical concept. Paul speaks about it as does St. Augustine and of course the early church lived this way.  Maybe my repulsion to the phrase is more a product of my middle class American culture than Jesus’ actual opinion of the subject or church history.